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Divorce with Children – They Suffer the Most
You might be thinking that getting a divorce with children involved as being the best thing for you and for your kids.
No matter how simple you think it is divorce with kids means that your children will be the most affected individuals..
Getting a divorce may be a better idea for you, but for your children, it is not the thing they want you to go through..
Divorce is confusing and overwhelming for both the husband and wife that are deciding to put a knot to their marriage. It asks for patience and plenty of deliberation needed.
Just imagine your children’s thoughts and feelings. They are not even as grown up and sensible as every adult is.
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Most of the time, divorce with children is not a very well sought decision and outcome either:
Parents as two individuals just want to get rid of each other and move on with their lives with either someone else they are affectionate towards or alone. They don’t even think of their children and their feelings. Even if the decision is made with consideration and thinking, there is always a chance that children will suffer the most.
Divorce with children involved hasn’t just short termed results associated:
There are many long termed ones as well. The children not only feel left behind emotionally but somewhere they take the blame for the divorce. Even if parents explain to them that it’s not their fault. Somehow they end up realizing that they are the ones that have caused all the trouble in the first place. Somewhere in the back of their minds they feel like they could’ve done something to save the marriage but they didn’t and, now their family has gone to ruins.
Anger is one of the immediate consequences on the children from divorce. It could be towards both or only one of the parents. They are sad deep down but considering they cannot do anything, their words are left up to their emotions and reactions.
Divorce with Children – What happens after?:
The greatest issue of divorce is the children because it is they who will witness a breaking of a union, something which they have little or no inkling about.
The greatest issue of divorce is the children. It is because every divorce with children can change lives –all the lives of those involve. The children take the full brunt of the divorce. So between the children and divorce, it is often the divorce that breaks the children.
To prevent further damage, here’s some casual do’s and don’ts for your children and divorce:
Never Cry in front of your Children:
Breaking down in front of your children and turning to them for support and direction is the last thing you should do. That includes facing them with puffy eyelids and flushed expression. Children (especially the little ones) are looking at you as sanctuary, a rock they can perch on especially at times like this.
Breaking down will shatter that image. And, when that image is shattered, they will lose their sense of security. While divorce can be very devastating to the parent, children still look up the parent for support. That’s why it’s very crucial to stand strong in front of a wondering child; because at times like this (like when they are afraid) it is they that will try to grasp your hands.
For that matter, this should also include not fighting in front of them.
Explain it to the Extent:
Because if you won’t explain, by rationalizing later on they will probe for answers on their own and sometimes it is the marriage itself that they will hit.
Tell the facts clearly, there had been some instances that the child felt the blame of the divorce. But never include very intimate issues. Just tackle on the facts but skip the details. Particularly issues of immorality.
Only the facts should be stated, not your opinion. Your opinion could be a bit one sided, and you could only ruin the image of your spouse to them. There are other parents that reversed the situation into a learning experience. Instead of sharing their opinion, the parents asked each of their children what they should do when the time of their marriage will come (and divorce for that matter).
A Graceful Exit:
Separating as friends is the most beneficial. It allows further visits by either party without initiating it in a fight. Also, keeping track of the children would be far easier since contacts can be made easily.
The main problem divorce with children involved is the lives that would later be led after the separation. There had been too many incidents where youngsters fall off course due to terrible divorce incident. Plan carefully. Remember, divorce is a personal issue that has to be resolve between the couple, but the effects of which will affect all those around you.
Divorce with a young child – How to rebuild your life, how to talk to your children:
If your child is young, you will want to talk to them about your divorce with your partner. You may want to leave the talk up to the parent that is closer to the child if they are in their teens or older. A child, at any age, will have an issue with their parents during a divorce. You will want to be careful how you handle the situation because you never know what may happen and what the child might do to react to the divorce. To a small child, divorce is the hardest. Their entire world seems to collapse
They will become enraged and scared. They won’t know what to expect, until you talk to them, they will feel like they have just become an orphan. When it come to a divorce with children involved, you will want to make it as quick as possible and do a lot of damage control. You will need tot talk to them about how they feel and you can learn how to support your child through this.
How to you tell your child that daddy/mommy is moving out?:
Talk about your break up and the divorce as soon as you know that it will go through. Tell the child what is going to happen so they can expect everything and not be affected by surprise or shock. You need to make sure that they understand that your marriage did not fail because of them. You will want to tell your child that they are still loved and that nothing, other than sleeping arrangements will change. The kids need to know that they aren’t losing a parent. If you find it hard to be together with your partner, then you may take your child aside and talk to them with another that loves them very dearly. You may want to ask the babysitter or someone whom they are close to so that they can receive support.
Also try in divorce with children to make the talk quick and easy:
You will need to give your statement and a little definition of what means. Tell them how the divorce will effect their lives and you should be as honest as possible. You need to tell them why you are getting a divorce, explain the word divorce, and then tell them how it will affect their relationship with their parents. Make sure that you don’t say anything bad about your partner. Just tell your kids that you feel that the two of you would be better apart. The kids are smart and may agree, but they will be angry and scared because they do not feel secure.
Don’t ever say anything about the divorce that is negative, even if you are on the phone in a different room. You never know how it will effect their lives.
Don’t just tell your kids how you feel and about the divorce and then never talk about it again. You need to encourage them to ask questions for the next couple of months. Smaller children will find it difficult. You’ll want to make sure that feel safe and secure even if one of their parent’s move out.
Some of the questions that you need to be prepared to answer are:
What’s a divorce ? Why are you two getting a divorce ?, Do you still love them ? And whether they can see the other parent.
All of these questions need to be answered as soon as possible so that they can feel secure again. You may want to ask their teachers if they are acting up and for any tips or news that may suggest that the child is having a hard accepting the news.
Divorce with Children – How to rebuild your life – your children
One of the most important things to think about when you are getting divorced is the child that is involved. You want to make sure that you are able to keep them out of the conflict between you and your ex. You want to make sure that they are getting the most attention from both of you that is possible. This will make them feel loved and wanted so that they do not feel as if this is their fault.
You will want to make sure that you are taking the appropriate steps to keep your children out of the line of fire. Keep them safe from all of the problems that can occur during a divorce. Make sure that you are helping them through this difficult time and getting them any help that they may need to deal with these pressures.
Keep the lines of communication open with your children during a divorce. Make them aware that you are there for them at all times and you are going to make everything all right. You have to keep a strict eye on the children that are in the middle of a divorce and make sure that they are not having any bad feelings about this situation. You need to do a lot of reassuring so that they are not negatively affected by the divorce.
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If necessary you may have to seek counseling for your children.
You may want to take them to talk to a professional and let them sort through any problems that they may be having because of the divorce that you are going through. They may feel rejected, at fault, sad, depressed, or guilty. No matter what type of feelings they are going through, they may need to talk to someone. It’s important they are able to get help and feel better about what is going on around them.
You are going to want to find out if they have any questions about what is happening to them. They may want to get some things out in the open and are just too afraid to ask them. This is the time to make it clear that they are allowed to feel how they want and to and that everything will be all right. This is going to comfort them and help them to get their fears out in the open.
You may want to set the children down with you and your ex so that the children are going to be able to talk to both of you about what is going on. This is a good way to make sure that everyone is being honest and that the other parent is not telling the child anything that may be untrue or hurtful towards him or her. It is important to keep any negative remarks banned from the children’s ears during divorce. You do not want to be saying anything bad about the other parent to the child. This will only make the child more confused and may even scare them.
Make sure that the children are keeping a close relationship with both sides of the family
As long as it is a healthy relationship you’ll want to make sure that anything that can stay the same does stay the same. You do not want to be making too many changes in the child’s life. If you can, try and keep them in the same school or as close to their original surroundings as possible. You do not want to take everything away from them. This may be the only feeling of security that they have.
Try and share custody of the child. Then the child is able to have both of their parents any time they need them. You do not want to make any divorce or custody battle ugly. This will only complicate things and make them harder. It is necessary to keep things simple for the children. You will not want to make any child feel uncomfortable in the situation of divorce.
In a Divorce with Children Communication makes a huge difference:
Being told what was going to happen in advance by their parents helped children make sense of the situation. With young children, this often means that you have to talk to them more than once. Children benefit from having the opportunity to talk about their parents’ separation as well as receiving support from other family members, such as aunts and grandmothers. Talking to siblings and friends—particularly trusted friends who had experienced their own parents’ separation—is also helpful..
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