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Debt and Marriage Can Result in Stress
Every day, debt and marriage is the number one issue couples fight about.
These days, families are forced with mounting credit card debt, interest rates and penalty fees. This, in addition to the necessary mortgage, utility and food expenses, can result in a lot of stress – even in the healthiest of relationships.
This is especially true if you should fall behind with payments and creditors begin calling. This often leads to more anxiety and possibly even arguments over finances.
You’re Not Alone !
If you and your spouse argue over money, you’re not alone. It’s the number one issue married couples fight about. In fact, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.
Discover What Lies in Your Debt
If you fall behind with your mortgage, you risk foreclosure.
This is one bill that you cannot afford to miss, so make it a priority. Food and utilities are also a must, so keep up with these expenses and cut back where you can.
If you’ve missed one or more credit card payments, the best way to handle this situation is to call each of your creditors individually and request to be placed on a hardship program. In most cases, this means lower payments and interest for a certain amount of time.
Debt and Marriage Debt Is Crippling Marriages:
Couples who fight about money have roughly $30,000 in consumer debt on average, with nearly two-thirds of all marriages starting off in the red. That debt load is having a negative impact on marriages, regardless of household income. Also, couples who have consumer debt say they argue about money—and it’s what they argue about the most. In comparison, couples who are debt-free say that money doesn’t even make the top-five list of things they argue about.
In fact, more and more couples, particularly the younger generations, have accumulated debt to pay for their wedding. Of those married five years or less say they felt pressured to spend more than they could afford on their wedding.
Wedding Expenses and Debt and Marriage:
Many couples married five years or less say some of their wedding expenses were covered with a credit card and, many of those couples say they regret that decision.
Couples who are just starting out need the best foundation possible if they’re going to have a strong, long-lasting marriage. Unfortunately, debt keeps couples in the past and prevents them from focusing on their futures.
It’s been found that when a husband and wife can eliminate debt, a shift happens in their marriage. There’s a peace of mind they haven’t experienced before.
Consider a more permanent solution:
If your situation is more permanent than temporary and you aren’t sure when or if your finances will ever be back to the point that they once were at, you need to consider a more permanent solution to your debt.
This may involve debt settlement negotiations with each of your creditors.This is only an option in the most severe of circumstances and when payments have been missed for many months. At this point, the creditor may inform you that your credit will be damaged if you don’t settle a debt. If payments are or continue to be missed, your credit is already damaged. You can handle the debt settlement negotiations yourself or, in some cases, the creditor will contact you directly with a written offer. If you aren’t comfortable with the process, hire an attorney to help.
It Pays to Know what Lies in Your Debt
Debt and Marriage – More Debt – More Fighting:
The larger a couple’s debt, the more likely they were to say money is one of the top issues they fight about. The majority of couples with $50,000 or more in consumer debt say money is a top reason for arguments. And those with $50,000 or more in debt were three times more likely than couples with less than $10,000 in debt to say the tone of their money conversations is negative.
Debt and marriage is not the only financial pain point for couples. One-third of people who say they argued with their spouse about money say they hid a purchase from their spouse because they knew their partner would not approve. When a spouse hides purchases from their partner, it breaks down the trust in their relationship. Couples need to understand their money differences, like who’s the spender and who’s the saver, so they can be on the same page with their finances.
In some cases, you may find yourself a little short on the mortgage payment. This is especially true if you are trying to settle your debts. If this happens, you can call the lender who issued your loan and discuss possible options that will bring your account up to date. You may be able to refinance your home, which may lower your monthly payments and possibly even your interest. When it comes to debt, there’s no time to waste. Every payment that is missed or late fee that is added will make you feel as though you are sinking into a pool of quicksand.
Common Goals and Planning Together Make a Difference:
Topics like money goals and dreams are important discussion points for spouses to talk about. Couples in healthier, happier marriages are more likely to have those bigger, important conversations about money. The vast majority of respondents who say their marriage is “great” also say they and their spouse work together to set long-term goals for their money.
Couples in Healthy Marriages Are Twice as Likely to Discuss Money Dreams Together:
Ongoing conversations about money seem to matter as well. Those who say they have a “great” marriage are almost twice as likely to talk about money daily or weekly compared to those who say their marriage is “okay” or “in crisis.”
Couples who take a team approach to their finances are more likely to achieve their goals. Doing a monthly budget together and talking about it regularly are the first steps in making that a reality. These budget meetings open the door to more meaningful conversations about their dreams,
Emotions Are Barriers to Communication when Dealing with Debt and Marriage:
Emotions surrounding money – especially debt and marriage – may be one of the barriers between spouses when it comes to talking about their finances. Those with consumer debt say their level of debt creates stress and anxiety. People are also anxious about talking about their personal finances, especially if they carry a higher debt load.
Not only is debt causing anxiety, but it’s also causing embarrassment. Those in debt feel embarrassed about talking about personal finances than thos people who are debt-free.
Holding on to the emotions that come with debt will cripple you and keep you from improving your money situation. Facing the past can be embarrassing, but acknowledging the problem is the first step in winning with money.
Debt and Marriage Conclusion: Have Healthy Money Conversations:
There is hope for couples who want to work on better communication around money. When couples get on the same page—through talking regularly, making money goals, and discussing dreams together—they build a strong foundation for their relationship. Working with each other (instead of against) reduces anxiety and fosters healthier relationships.
In fact, talking about money is often more valuable than the money itself.
Under the best of circumstances, a relationship undergoes plenty of everyday stress. When it comes to money matters, the stress can be even greater. When you start to get a handle on your debt and start to live your life again, both you and your partner will be happier and healthier.
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