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Marriage Therapy and Counseling: When To Save Your Relationship?
The most basic principle that marriage therapy and counseling teaches is to save an existing relationship from total destruction. The purpose is to lead both of the couple back to the path of marital bliss.
Though marriage counseling may work for some, the truth remains to be the truth. There are marriages that may never be saved.
Happiness and fulfillment are two great components of a successful marriage. The absence of which, along with other things, may eventually cause marital disasters.
For both conditions, there are corresponding reasons and factors. Many of these will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs. However, the bottom line for both factors is that the willingness of both parties to restore the broken relationship is actually the ultimate driving factor.
There are several reasons why couples seek marriage therapy and counseling. This is natural, for there are endless possibilities why how people create conflicts in their marriages. It is widely accepted that all marriages are bombarded with difficulties some time in their lives. And, it is sad to note that many don’t seem to override them. And most drop into the pitfall of divorce.
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When is marriage therapy and counseling sought ?
The most natural conditions by which marriage counseling is often sought are when couples feel frustration, extreme sadness and severe hurt. These are frequently not new between the couples and had been growing around for years. Unfortunately, the only time that people enter marriage counseling is when the relationship is already on the edge of breaking down. This is reason enough why young couples or those that are yet starting to sense fraction in their relationship have the greater chance of fixing the marriage.
It is not wrong to aspire for happiness. But it is not often that way. To get rid of further troubles, it is wise to accept this reality and to work towards achieving happiness on a more sensible and realistic approach. Marriage demands hard work. It obliges the couple to commit themselves to the consequences of their relationship. They often need to suspend their egos and to drop down the claim for who is right to get around the issues that may send them shouting over dinners. Agreeing to drop the “who is right” thing is a crucial part of both the marriage and marriage therapy and counseling. Without this, everything may all be in vain.
It may have been observed that throughout this article, saving the marriage is only the central discussion. But how about for those couples who insist on divorce? Marriage counseling may also answer for that. However, it may be a much longer process, especially when children are at stake. If the marital relationship may not be saved, then the best solution to this is for the couples to transform into friends or willing co-parents towards the growth of their children. This way, pain may be lessened while contributing to a much constructive process.
During the stage of dissolution, extreme pain and other emotions may be felt. This state may be further aggravated by the obvious emotional and physical separation. For the majority of cases, this state may come to the level of mourning and distress. Marriage counseling may be of best help during this condition as it may help to bring out unexpressed emotions between the couples.
Once the signs of marriage destruction have made themselves transparent for the couples, it’s best to seek marriage therapy and counseling in the earliest possible time. Or you might be too late to save the relationship.
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Seek Marriage Therapy and Help from the Right Sources:
If you need marriage therapy, don’t make the mistake most people do. Don’t talk to a member of the opposite sex about it unless that person is functioning in a professional capacity.
For example, a woman believes her husband doesn’t give her as much attention as he should. She should never talk to a male co-worker about the situation even if he is considered to be a dear friend. If he is sympathetic to her and they grow closer, more marriage problems are sure to follow. Depending on the workplace, conversation about the woman’s situation might even be misconstrued as sexual harassment which is never appropriate in the work place.
The best marriage therapist or person to speak to ?
The best person to discuss marriage therapy with is your spouse. If that just is not possible – either because your spouse is not willing or because there is a chance you might be harmed for trying to talk about your problems and concerns – talk with a trained marriage therapy professional. Visit a counselor or minister to talk about your marriage problems. They are trained to look at situations objectively and know how to maintain your confidentiality.
If you do not have a minister or know a marriage therapist and counselor, you can find one discreetly by looking at your local phone book. Search under “counseling” or “marriage therapist or counselors” to find several to call. Some communities may even have counseling services free of charge for some situations. If you have a close friend you can confide in, ask if they have heard anything about the counselors you find. At work you can always pull that: “a friend of mine is looking for a counselor. Have you heard of any?” trick.
If the advice you receive from the minister or counselor does not strike a chord with you, go somewhere else. That does not mean that if the advice is not what you want to hear, to leave it behind, however. When you seek help for your marriage, you need to be open minded enough to accept that some of the responsibility or blame may be your own.
Remember, the first step to solving any marriage problem is to seek help. If you and your spouse both agree, try going to a counselor together. The professional may prefer to see you individually after an initial meeting with the two of you together. If you are both willing to find marriage help, you will need to be accommodating and adaptable as you work through your problems and the counseling process.
Marriage Therapy For Prevention:
An unfortunate by-product of our insulated culture is that marriage therapy, including counseling, is seen as a sign of weakness or that a relationship has turned sour. This does not have to be the case- in fact, many marriage relationships that are strong can benefit from the services a professional counselor can offer.
There are a few stages in marriages, and counseling can be extremely important in each of them. The first stage is the time before the couple actually gets married, after the decision to take the big step has been made. Good counseling at this time can help the couple to anticipate areas of conflict that may arise when the actual event takes place. Couples who have not previously lived together may not be fully prepared for what it means to have another person live in your life 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It is critical that these couples be prepared for the challenges that face them, form the dividing of the household and other workloads to issues that will come up when it comes to finances, sex, and free time.
Couples that have lived together might also find some pre-marital counseling beneficial, as the actual process of marriage seems to alter the expectations of the relationship in many different ways. Above all, counseling before marriage can help a couple identify potential trouble spots within the relationship that may be exacerbated once the commitment has been made.
Counseling over the course of the marriage can also help to strengthen the relationship as well as identify potential areas of conflict before they boil over into larger fights. A counselor is trained to hear what the people speaking are saying, while partners in a marriage will inevitably filter out some of the other person’s message, no matter how clearly they believe they are putting it forward. An attentive counselor can therefore be expected to have the ability to head trouble off at the pass.
Marriages will also experience considerable upheaval with the arrival of a new baby, and in fact the family dynamic can be expected to change with the arrival of each subsequent child. A counselor will again have the background to enable him to identify potential trouble spots and the education to offer problem solutions so that the couple does not find their relationship ambushed in a time of upheaval.
Regardless of your feelings on the strength of your relationship, good marriage counseling is a great option just to make sure that the lines of communication stay open. Even people who are hopelessly in love may not realize that their partner does not have the same impression of a situation that the individual is experiencing. A counselor will help to identify and clarify these areas, and offer solutions to keep them from arising in the future.
Remember: Marriage therapy and counseling is not a sign of weakness. It does not even mean that there are necessarily problems within your relationship; instead, it may just be another tool to keep your relationship at its very best.
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When to Get Marriage Therapy – The Right Time to Improve your Marriage:
Seeking help from marriage counselors is a good step in improving your marriage. This shows your sincerity in keeping the relationship together and to make it stronger. But this also shows that your marriage is on the rocks. Why seek counseling if the marriage is doing great?
Maybe the vow that you made together with your husband or wife in front of the church altar is not enough to keep your marriage out of trouble. This could be due to some uncontrollable circumstances. Failure to address this problem is the reason why many married couples are now resorting to counseling., and if it doesn’t work, a divorce may be the last recourse.
Some people look down at the thought of seeking counseling. They feel that a third person could not fix what the two of them couldn’t. But getting a fresh perspective from an experienced person may just be the answer.
The Right Time To Undertake the Marriage Therapy process:
It would be advisable to start your marriage therapy and counseling on an early basis—preferably before you get married or early in the marriage, especially if you sense that the two of you are having communication problems with each other.
Do not treat counseling like a “sealant in the leakage”. Some people have misconceptions that it should only be considered if the situation will lead to divorce. Instead of seeing it in that point of view, it will be better if you will take counseling to enlighten and help you and your husband or wife develop a clear and honest communication and proper handling of your problems once you and your partner get involved in a marriage.
Improve your marriage in its best condition. It will not be good if the two of you will just get a marriage counselor just because you are planning to separate from each other. Instead, let your marriage counselor be your guide in shaping your relationship in the best possible shape there is. Your counselor is not the best solution to your problem—it is both of you that can fix it. It is your commitment and your dedication to the marriage.
Using Games to Reduce Tension:
Trouble at home? Play an easy game and watch married strife disappear.
Marriage is one of the most enjoyable but also one of the most painful experiences that people undergo. It carries with it the whiff of romance and eternal bliss, but sometimes you get a pack of thorns instead.
How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?:
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.
Perhaps your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.
Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?
Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?
What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.
Isn’t that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.
Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.
Marriage Therapy Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time. After its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.
Marriage Therapy and Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves. For example; give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.
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Marriage Therapy and Counseling: Marriage is Good for Your Health, Wealth, and Happiness:
Marriage keeps you healthy, US government researchers have reported. According to a new study by the Center for Disease Control, married people are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or be physically inactive. They are less likely than singles, divorcees or widowed adults to be in fair or poor health and are less likely to suffer from headaches or psychological problems.
“It could by the ‘Nag Factor,’” according to Barbara Bartlein, author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage. “ Spouses tend to nag each other about health related issues such as smoking, drinking, risky behavior and receiving regular medical care.”
Ironically, people have climbed the ladder of success by working long hours and taking on extra projects, often sacrificing time with family. Now, new research demonstrates that they would actually be healthier, wealthier and happier if they concentrated more on their marriage. There appears to be grave consequences for couples that call it quits too easily that have not been addressed in previous studies. We have created disposable marriages in a throw away culture with little regard to the personal costs for the individual and family.
If you are looking for a long and healthy life, marriage may be part of the answer. Married folks tend to live longer and healthier than their single, divorced or widowed counterparts. And while my husband would claim that it just feels longer, the statistics demonstrate this is true.
- Non-marrieds have significantly higher rates of mortality; 50% higher among women and 250% higher among men.
- For men, staying married boosts the chance of surviving to age 65 from about 2 out of three to almost 9 out of 10.
- The unmarried are far more likely to die from all causes. Including coronary heart disease, stroke, pneumonia, cancer, cirrhosis, automobile accidents, murder, and suicide.
- Being married improves the mental health for both men and women—there is someone to talk to. Spouses discuss their worries, dreams and disappointments with their partners, which helps relieve stress and anxiety.
- Researcher also found that there were positives effects from the “nag factor.” This is; the routine nagging that spouses do to encourage a positive lifestyle and decrease destructive habits such as smoking or drinking to excess.
- A healthy marriage may also be the starting point for a growing net worth. Not only is divorce very costly in the short run. The long-term effects of not being married dramatically affect how financially secure you become.
- The longer people stay married, the greater their wealth accumulations.
- At retirement, a typical married couple has accumulated about $410,000. This compared to about $167,000 for never married, about $145,000 for divorced and just under $96,000 for the separated.
- Spouses have better health and life insurance coverage.
- The married have increased access to pensions and social security.
- Being married provides “insurance.” In case of death, spouses almost always leave their worldly goods—Social Security and pension benefits to their wives or husbands. By getting married, spouses create an “annuity value” that is equal to increasing one’s wealth by 12-14 percent at age thirty and by 30 percent at age seventy-five compared to staying single.
- Married people behave more responsibly about money because they have more responsibilities. By pooling money, labor, and time, married people create far more opportunities for building wealth.
- There also is a value to In Laws—They tend to help a family when needed. In laws also provide potential access to inheritance. About 29% of married couples received financial help from in-laws. And, about a quarter of families with children received financial transfers in the past five years.
- In spite of the jokes and comedy routines, married folks also tend to be happier than their single counterparts. Married men and women report less depression, less anxiety, and lower levels of other types of psychological distress than do those who are single, divorced, or widowed.
- Widowed and divorces persons are about three times as likely to commit suicide.
- Marital status is one of the most important predictors of happiness. 40% of the married said they are very happy with their life in general. This compared to just under a quarter of those who were single or who were cohabiting.
The commitment to make marriage a priority will have a tremendous impact on your life. The success prescription for health, wealth and happiness: Work as hard on your marriage as you do on your career.
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